Thursday April 1, 2010 from PC Magazine:Blogs – Security Watch http://blogs.pcmag.com/securitywatch/2010/04/shocker_viruses_come_from_anti.php
1, 2010. [APRIL FOOL!] In a shocking revelation today, an anonymous executive of a major security company revealed that a shadow cabal, backed by a coalition of security vendors, has totally taken over the task of writing viruses and other malware. PCMag.com managed a brief interview with a source, who gave his name only as “V.” “Really,” said V, “it should be obvious by now. Why do you think the bad guys are always just a little bit ahead of the good guys? Because they’re the same guys!” V admitted that early well-known viruses, like Brain and Melissa, were written by individuals for their quirky individual reasons. Modern malware, however, is polished and professional — just like modern security software. “We’ve hammered home the idea that writing malware is big business these days,” said V. “That’s totally true. We just didn’t mention that it’s our business.” Asked which vendors belong to the cabal, V responded, “All of ’em! Any security vendor you’ve ever heard of, they belong. If they don’t, they don’t get the inside information about the new threats we’ve got in the pipeline, and their product flops. That’s not to say that just because a product stinks the vendor isn’t in on the plan — it’s up to them to make good use of what we give ’em.” Why blow the whistle now, we asked. Why rock the boat when you’ve got a good thing going? “It’s my kids,” answered V. “I look at ’em with their computers limping along because of all the so-called security software. They want to watch a music video and pfui! It’s all choppy. They’re playing a game and pow! they get fragged because the system lagged. I look forward to a world free of both viruses and antiviruses.” This news broke after the close of trading, so its effect on the stock market isn’t yet known. Reached on his satellite phone, the director of the Anti-Malware Testing Standards Organization would say only that the group is working on a new set of guidelines. Looking ahead to the changed market, PCMag.com has reassigned Neil J. Rubenking, Lead Analyst for Security, to review disk defragmenters, Registry cleaners, and widgets of all kinds.